Archive for July, 2011

Mule’s in the restroom


26 Jul

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Don’t get me wrong. Mule’s are probably half my favorite animal, since they are half Donkey half Horse, I just dont get why people have to act like jack asses…

For starters, there is an obvious code of ethics when it comes to men’s restrooms. As such, if there are 5 urinals, I would appreciate the every other one concept.

For example, if I chose urinal 1, that means you have the opportunity to choose 3 or 5, and so forth. If you are the kind of person who chooses urinal 2 or 4, then you are a jerk. You have effectively taken a 3 person pissing unit and turned it into a 2 person shit show. UNACCEPTABLE.

What is also unacceptable, standing next to me when I am attempting to relieve my bladder. There are potentially 3 other urinals to choose from. I say three because if I’m at 1 then you can use 3 through 5 as you wish… Actually, no, not as you wish, because some of you are really twisted individuals and I just dont want to deal with that nonsense.

When using the stall, DO NOT PEE ALL OVER THE PLACE. I fail to understand how you at this point in your life still can not aim with a something you’ve had all your fricken life. At this point in you’re life you are either an intern or higher; so that puts you at the youngest, 17 years of age. Unless you are a child genius and working where I work for some odd reason, then I just feel bad for you… You can piss wherever you want to, as long as it’s not on me.

On a side note, As a general rule and a life lesson, 99% of the time it’s probably ill advised to attempt to pee on a person.

Also, I’ll exclude children from this mess since parents do sometimes bring their kids to work…

It’s not fucking snow, nobody can tell that you tried to write your name on the tiles or walls or what ever the fuck it is you think you are allowed to pee on. All we can tell is when you step out of that stall and look to see a person waiting and give that oh shit face, we know we’re in for an irritating time.

I assure you, one day, if you pee on the seat and I catch you, I will wipe it up with your face. Pray you have a beard otherwise it will be a long and arduous process…

As for you shit talkers, I mean literally, you people who have to talk on the phone while taking a crap. SERIOUSLY? write a fucking text, or play a game on your phone like the rest of humanity does! I have enough issues using a public restroom without hearing about you’re weekend plans. I especially love when you are on a conference call. I do my best to flush as many times as possible for no other reason than to cause you embarrassment.

What train of thought possessed you to think you could get away with joining a call WHILE IN THE EFFING BATHROOM? And then on top of that, you’re not even going to put your mic on mute because you’re going to talk? The acoustics aren’t even that great…

Random stuffs that goes through my head during the day…


06 Jul

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I cannot wait to come home and walk on carpet. For those of you who may think I’m kidding, think again. It hit me this past weekend, I think, that I haven’t walked on a real carpet in over 2 months (…and yes, 3 days later i’m still thinking about this). I could never really put my finger on why it felt so weird and unnatural when I would go home and walk on carpet, but now it all makes sense. My feet miss soft carpet. All I got here are hard tiled floors and uneven pavement. It actually makes me sad to not have carpeting. One of the first things I want to do when I go home, which is going to seem super weird to my in-laws, is lay on the living room floor and roll around in that softy goodness. No joke. Then I’ll get up and go say hi to everyone :P

So, another thing thats been bothering me- flushing the toilet. Tell me, how difficult is it to do that? Anonymous students use the toilets and then don’t flush after. Sure, for some of them you gotta learn the quirks like- you gotta hold down the flush for a couple seconds longer. Why does it have to be made any more difficult than that? When I walk into the bathroom and into a stall, the last thing I want to see is someone else’s crap in the toilet and have to flush it myself cuz I really gotta go and have no other option. I do not want to flush other peoples’ crap down the toilet. People need to learn how to do it themselves. Your shit, you flush. It’s as simple as that.

My power is going out tomorrow from 9am- 4pm so I am being forced to stay at school and that is the last thing I want to do. The library is suddenly “the” place to be so now everyone and their mother is in there and I feel so claustrophobic… it’s like their all leaning over me or something. So uncomfortable. As if that’s not annoying enough, now those people that aren’t even library regulars feel like they have the right to go claim their spot at 8am by putting their random shit all over the table and then leave for class for 4 hours. That is just NOT kool AT ALL!!! You know that arcade game where you bop the alligators or hippos on the head as they peep out of the whole? Well, I want one of those boppers so I can run around the library just beating these people over the head. Maybe I may even get tickets for a prize after or something.